This story doesn't even begin with Easter... it begins with suffering. Lately my friends and teens and I have been talking about/encountering a lot of suffering; both personally and globally. Earthquakes in Christchurch/Japan, issues in central Africa (visit Invisible Children for more info), human trafficking, friends'/parents with terminal illnesses, and a church family member (young mom) with terminal cancer. SO MUCH SUFFERING in this world! Someone in Christchurch said me, "I just don't understand where God is in all this." And a pastor had a really interesting response- that God is alongside us in our sufferings. He is not the cause. But there are a lot of consequences to this broken life we live in on this earth and sin that messes up everything. It was not intended to be this way. I wonder if God gets sad to see our current situations?
Leading up to Easter my church does a week of prayer for 24 hours a day and they set up a cozy prayer room in a garage. Laying there on the floor with my teens scattered throughout the room praying, reading and drawing, I felt the heavy sadness of everything happening. So I started writing down all the terrible things my heart felt heavy with; cancer, HIV, depression, drug addiction, loneliness, loss, self harm, abuse, neglect, manipulation, absence, lostness, separation from God, ah, the list goes on. I was feeling a little embarrassed (like who the heck writes down in a list all these terrible things?!)... as I was doing this a thought popped into my head: "I AM." Hmm, I am? I feel like God dropped it into my head as a reminder of who he is... I AM completely OTHER, I AM all goodness, purity, love, grace, light, joy, peace, salvation. And I KNOW SUFFERING. Jesus walked on this earth and experienced about every human pain and suffering one can endure- betrayal, neglect, loss, physical abuse, opposition, and on. How appropriate that at Easter God would be reminding me that HE IS who he is. Even amidst our suffering.
In the Bible, there are so many name for God- when Moses asked who he should tell the people who sent him God told him "I AM" sent him. I AM= I am who I am, I have been, and will be who I am. We get glimpses of who that is in the Old Testament from the names used to describe God: Kadosh: holy one, El roi: God of seeing, Palet: deliverer, Yeshua: SAVIOR, Gaol: redeemer, Magen: shield. In the New Testament, it says God is light, peace, joy, life, the way, truth, goodness, salvation, justice, comforter, and there is no darkness in him. I find this to be so comforting. God is who he is, and I think I need to just sit with that for a while. Perhaps I need to even put aside the looming question of "why?" I am not sure its even a valid question... But I will sit with the "I AM" and let his light shine in the darkness.
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| A photo of the finished project (admittedly, it looks like a 12 year old did it, my friend Kayla and I each did 2 1/2, the yellow one was my big one). |
I AM.
This scripture tells (John 19:1-16) of the unjust trial and subsequent crucifixion of Jesus. Amidst the darkness, the will of God still prevailed. Sometimes in our lives darkness threatens to overcome us but with God we are triumphant over evil.
There is so much pain and suffering in the world, sometimes it makes me wonder: “God where are you in all this?” In my spirit God has been whispering, “I AM.” This artwork is a response to that.
Artwork by
Stephenie Garey and Kayla Gibbs
